just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize