The best revenge is premature balding
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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