over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
