I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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