i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
