i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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