I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize