It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize