this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
