I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
