You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
