youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
