oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
