I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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