You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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