I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
