I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
