Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
