I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
