In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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