wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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