I have demons in me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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