I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
