discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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