Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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