did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
