Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize