i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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