fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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