Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
