Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just puked most of my soul out..
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