fuck your aforementioned shoe
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
