I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
