I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I want to have your abortion
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
