just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
