A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
