if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
