My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
