HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
