I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
