And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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