The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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