if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
