SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
