i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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