The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
