shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize