I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
