What a fucking waste of an outfit
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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