u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
