Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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