I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
