You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
