are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
