i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
