Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
