Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
