For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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