God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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