i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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