I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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