Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
