Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
