is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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