at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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