So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
