Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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