Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we're making bets on your personal life
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
