I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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