HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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