matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
