Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
