After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
