I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
