i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
