even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
