____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
