You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
