wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
