my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
