ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
