I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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