I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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