I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I want a musical about memes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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