I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize