did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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