Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
