i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
