Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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