fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
