Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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