Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
