can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
