PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
