White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
third nipple confirmed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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