fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
