Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
