the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
