Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
