Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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