If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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