you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
