Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When are your genitals available?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
