hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
